6 years ago,

... I would've never imagined I would be the person that I am today. I got into a deep conversation with my homegirl about how everything used to be so innocent, compared to how everything is now. How easy it is to be influenced, how easy it is to say yes into temptation. How easy it is to brush everything off.

6 years ago.. that little girl I used to be would be disappointed to know how she has ended up to be. I always say that I'm going to "change." But I always seem to find myself looking at the easy way out. That's just how things have been. I lost who I was for the longest time. Forgeting about my dreams and my goals that I had set so high. All I cared about was just having a good time until the next good time. But now I realize how stupid that was because I had put so much on the line..

I think that little girl I used to be should be happy to know how strong she will be though. How to hold her head up through whatever cirumstance she's been put into. Go through circumstances that nobody should have to go through. Learning to just walk away from things. Picking up her own pieces from having a broken heart. Holding it all together when all she wants to do is fall a part.

I've always said that I've gone through enough to know enough. I'm growing up, and it's about time I get my act together. I know I need to be better, and that's what I'm going to do from now on.

-Lim

2 New Tattoos ; for my bruthaa.

His initials..


Carpe Diem.

R.J.K.Y ; Rest in Paradise

It hasn't even been a week.. and I still can't believe it. I miss you little brutha. I'm never going to understand why you were take away so suddenly. You're the one person who was supposed to stick around.. there was still so much to do. You had so much going for you.

I stayed at your viewing yesterday for almost 7 hours.. yet it didn't even like it was that long. I felt like I could've sat there forever, waitig for you to just get up. Maybe it'll all sink in on the day of your funeral.. but I even doubt that.

I try not to cry because I know that's not what you would want. You would want us to be happy, celebrating your life. But I'm still bitter.. because it's not fair.

I have to just think that God has a bigger plan for you and wanted you early.. I know you didn't feel any pain when you passed.. that makes me feel a little bit better. You're in paradise now, and we'll meet again..

-Lim

Rest In Paradise Russelle Joseph Yap.

"The best things happen when you least expect it."

Vacation Time;

I've been on vacation or the past few days, and I'm going to hate to see it end. I love getting out with my family and just having good times together. It makes me think that everything is so easy..

The feeling of getting away is nice. I said that I was going to try and leave my thoughts at home, but that's impossible. They all seem to just catch up with me. Once I have downtime, my mind just begins to wonder. I hate being the kind of person that over-analyzes things. That's never going to change.

I'm going to make the most of these next few days because it's rare when my family just gets together like this.

-Lim

Days go by,

I'm lovin how chill summer days can be. I'm not looking for any drama, no beef. I like it better when people can be straight up with me. Because all you've ever get from is something straight up.

My hearts gone through too much. And I'm not tryna go through anymore heart ache.. Space, time, and good times is all I'm really looking for this summer. I like being in good company, that it. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

-Lim

I'm going to quit writing letters because the relationships with people in my life keep changing. I'm starting to learn who the real people are in my life..

-Lim

DAY 7 - YOUR EX/BOYRIEND/GIRLFRIEND/CRUSH/LOVE

Thank you for teaching me how to love with a broken heart. Thank you for teaching me how to watch someone walk away after each fight. Thank you for teaching me how to wipe my own tears. Thank for you proving me right about how much pain love can bring.

You were everything to me. And I feel so naive to have fallen so hard and in the end having to pick myself back up. I thought that our love could had with stand anything. It was us against the world.. Everytime there was something that could tear us down, we had proved people wrong by standing strong.. together. People would always tell me the reasons why we didn't belong together and I always chose to shut people out and tell them otherwise. I chose you over my bestfriends and family.. I put a lot of things on hold because of you.

Now when I look you in the eyes.. the eyes I had fallen in love with, the eyes that had made my heart melt.. I no longer feel love. All I feel for you is numbness in my heart. You are no longer the boy I fell in love with. I'm not even sure that I know who you are anymore. You're just another guy putting on a front for the world to see. But I see past it. Because deep down I still know the potential of the person you can be and it makes me kinda sad to see you choose to be someone you're not.

Once again, I'm thanking you for the memories.. and it's because of you that my walls are 10 x's higher. But if you hadn't broken my heart than I wouldn't have been able to find myself again. I regret so much from being with you but from those regrets I know now just to take even more risks. I'm doing me, and I'm happier. I'm in a new relationship with someone who tells me each and everyday of how happy they are to be with me.

By breaking up with me, you did me a great favor. Thank you B.

-Lim