Fact: I always get my hopes up to only get let down..

Realize;

"Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh through the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself everything happens for a reason."

---

I'm not exactly sure how to feel. If I should let my guard down.. no it's too soon. But does that mean I'm scared? What happened to taking risks?.. It's already too late. I always get so lost and mixed into my emotions that I get closed off. I know it's a bad thing, but I do it anyways.

I'm such a hopeless romantic, its sad.. I don't believe in love like I used to. I've been burned one too many times, I see my homegirls go through almost the exact same thing I've been through.. and it's not right. It's one of those, if I knew what I know back than situations, well it's too late.

Should I just stay in naive bliss?.. it's better than falling too deep and getting your heart broken. If I'm happy just for the moment, than so be it. I'll be content with it. I'm just not ready for the let down.. again. Just thinking about it still hurts. I know that I'm too strong in my pride to let it get to me. All I do is move on. I can keep doing the same thing.

I'll keep a smile on my face because that's all I can do for now. I don't see a point in being sad anymore because that will get you no where.

-Lim

ALREADY TAKEN

Late Night Ramble;

My hearts feels torn.. torn of having to choose between what's right and what I want. Is it wrong to be selfish? Does that make me a bad person? If I'm happy, am I wrong for feeling that way? I'm not so sure anymore. I just want to reach out and see who will be there to grab my hand and stick with me.. people choose to walk away every single day. Sometimes they choose to come back.

I always feel like I'm waiting and wondering.. always wondering if they'll decide to stick around. I understand that everyone has their reasons of leaving and coming back. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes and I wish I could change them, but I can't. That's life and you have to take the consequences that come with it.. even if it means losing something like your pride.. or someone..

.. my mind is way too cluttered to finish this blog, especially since it's 3 in the morning.. I'llgather my thoughts for another blog.

-Lim

My 3rd tattoo on the back of my neck. My grandpa's name ; Chhem Chhum written in cambodian writing. Rest in Peace.. I love you and I miss you. Last week marked his 8 year passing..

Out Of It

Some days I feel like I'm holding on for dear life. Making sure that every moment is real. Trying so hard to just not let it all go. But how do you keep moving forward when your heart feels numb? Prone to the pain.

I don't really have a choice but to keep going. I've learned that the world doesn't stop for anyone. You have to keep moving forward with it.

I feel like I've been screwed over so many times, how do I know what's real? I just don't anymore. I'm never going to understand why people can be so conniving.. why people lie. I guess I miss the innocence of it all. When we all could just play around and the only thing that would hurt is falling and scraping your knee.

The sad thing about this is I know that I'm never going to be able to just open my heart to just anyone. I'd always been guarded.. but I've never felt like I had to put my guard up like this.

I'm just getting tired of feeling hurt.. it's just time to find just follow my own path.

-Lim

I've always guarded my heart..

but I never thought my walls could get any higher until today.

-Lim

Fact: I need a ride or die kinda of guy in my life.

I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor ;

I took a dance class at westlake with my sister tonight and it felt good to just dance again. At first I felt rusty cause it's been awhile but as the class went on, it just felt good. I messed up but just danced like whatever. In that hour, I felt happy and could just be me without a care in the world.

Lately, I've just been feeling frustrated over the most stupidest things.. it's about time I just brush them off and realize that there are bigger things to be fussing over. I need to keep focused and remember all my goals I had set aside so long ago.

It's time to just get back on track.. and do what I do.

-Lim

Fact: I hate crying myself to sleep..

-Lim

"Beautiful girls all over the world,

I could be chasing but my time would be wasted.

They got nothing on you baby,

nothing on you baby.."

-B.O.B.

Throwbacks ;

Lately I've been getting hit with just thinking about the past. I've always been the kind of girl to just forgive, move on.. I never forget, anything. It's easier to but that's just not me. Once I've been hurt in the past, it sticks with me. It's true that I've everything I've gone through has made me the person that I am today.

I've gone through enough to just know better.. Sometimes thats not the case. I feel like I make the same foolish mistakes over and over again.. That needs to change.

I think my heart has gone through enough this past year and its not fair to go through anymore. I just always get the comfort of having someone by my side. I'm looking for something real. I've played the game way too many times, and honestly I'm over it all. It's like I've gone through the same thing so many times that I can guess the next moves right before it happens.

But than again, I always let fear get in the way.. I say I'm ready, but than I fall back and put my guard up again. I need real talk, no games.

-Lim